More to Life
by Jamesadactyle
Summary: After the death of former teammate Angelo Espinosa, Jubilee tries her best to cope. But one question keeps coming to mind. “There’s got to be more to life than this…. Right?” UPDATED 092105


Disclaimer – I do not own the X-Men in any fashion, shape, or form (although I wish I did but that's life). They belong to Marvel. Thanks for creating them Marvel!  
  
Author's Note: I have no idea why Jubilee was/is around the age of 15 or 16 in the main Marvel U. It's kind of strange and icky really so I've upped her age to 18. I just see her like that anyways. That would make Husk roundabouts 20 and Monet at 21. Let's just leave it at that. Besides, it's my fiction!   
  
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Title: More to Life  
  
Jubilee stood in a daze, the rain poured heavily down around her. It didn't bother her that she didn't have an umbrella, her clothing was soaked, and that her hair was matted to her face. How could it bother her when right before her eyes a friend was being lowered six feet into the earth?   
  
Tears readily spilled from her wide eyed gaze and mixed freely with the falling rain. Everything was muffled. Everything anyone said to her came through barely audible, practically indistinguishable from the heavy down pour and random thunder claps.   
  
She vaguely felt someone reach out and grasp her right hand and she tilted her head slightly to find out who it was. She was staring right into the tear streaked face of Paige Guthrie. Standing to her right, as rigid as a pole, was Monet St. Croix.   
  
At one point in time the two hated one another, but now at this moment Jubilee was only slightly aware that she considered Monet to be a dear friend.   
  
Jubilee watched as Paige bent low and dropped a flower into the open hole. Monet quickly and gracefully followed, her face stone, never betraying any sense of sadness or emotion. Soon the tall bronzed skin girl stood again next to Jubilee.  
  
Seconds edged on as the small crowed, gathered of mostly X-Men, dispersed; leaving only the three young ladies at the grave. Each patted one of their shoulders and offering words of encouragement and advice as they passed.  
  
"He lives on in memory," one said, followed by, "He was a great guy, he had an awesome sense of humor," to "I could tell he loved you three," and "He'd be so proud of you guys."  
  
It was all fruitless. Jubilee's ears were deaf to all the reassurance and comforting that came her way. Even if she had heard it all it was doubtful it would have any effect on her. She never understood how these people she called family stood and faced death everyday. It even seemed like they welcomed and accepted it.  
  
That was something she simply could not do.  
  
Jubilee's gaze fell down to her left hand. In it she held a single yellow rose, identical to the one Paige and Monet, only moments earlier, dropped into the grave.   
  
For a moment she paused and looked at the two other grieving girls. The three of them had been through so much in their short lives. People they all loved had come and gone in an instant and neither knew whether or not if they were next.   
  
At one point in time that didn't scare Jubilee. She had been the daring one, even if she was the least powerful. She was the trash talker, the mouth of the team. A quirky, witty quip also seemed perched on the tip of her tongue. She was the first to charge and the last to retreat. It had always been that way.  
  
"Nothing in life is guaranteed, bub." Wolverine told her that time and time again. It could be argued that he lived for that saying because he had a healing factor none could match. Still she adopted it as though she did also and learned from him, drawing deep into her his ways and mannerisms. Even simple things she did spoke much of the influence he had over her. In many ways he was her mentor, the father that died so long ago, as well as her friend.  
  
Then why, right now, could she not will herself towards the hole that was dug deep into the earth in front of her?  
  
Finally with a gentle nudge from Paige she began lurching towards the grave. Her steps were heavy and forced; her pace was slow and deliberately so, almost labored. She didn't want to near the grave. In her short life she'd buried one too many friends. Too many people she loved moved on before she wanted them to.  
  
The rose fell from her limp hand and she watched it slowly make the journey to land atop the casket resting at the bottom. The fall seemed to be slowed, the rain pausing in her vision as she the flower tumble, end over end, and landed next to the other two.   
  
Instantly she lost her breath and fell to her knees at the edge of the hole. Her chest heaved in and out heavily, and she gulped mouth after mouth full of drenched, cold air. With each breath she felt like giving and drowning in it.   
  
An instant later Paige was there, her arms gently wrapped around Jubilee, trying to lift her from the muddy earth.  
  
"I can't…" Jubilee gasped in between breaths and tears. "I can't." She shook her head slowly at first, then violently.   
  
Paige pulled Jubilee to her feet, supporting the small girl against her body. She motioned for Monet to come and help. "Its okay, we all loved Angelo." She added in a soft voice, quivering voice. "He was our family."  
  
Jubilee could hear Paige begin to sob. Her voice wavered even as she tried to reassure her broken hearted teammate that things were going to work out.   
  
In reality Paige had no idea whether or not things were going to be for the better. Since she graduated to the X-Men she realized that good wasn't necessarily all good. Things weren't as black and white as they once had been. Back with Generation X they were kids, simply learning, living, and fighting the occasional super mutant. They had time to learn about each other and experience a little bit of what real life had to offer.   
  
But now they all had been forced to grow up in the matter of months; days really. Nothing they could do could turn time back, no matter how much she secretly wished she could.  
  
"Jubilee we all miss him so much. If you didn't I'd wonder how much he meant to you. You just need some rest," she offered and pulled Jubilee closer. She bit her lip and clenched her teeth trying to bite back the tears.  
  
  
  
Monet stood back, unsure of what to do. Her throat was dry and burned slightly from her continually fighting back the tears. But the scene in front of her was too much and the floodgates opened.   
  
She quickly spun around so that the other two girls wouldn't see her cry. She loved Angelo as much as the rest, although she would never let anybody discover the fact.   
  
After looking back she realized that maybe she knew Angelo the least out of the others. Maybe she hadn't taken the time to get to know him, or she hadn't been forced to like she had been with the others.   
  
Jubilee was her polar opposite and they clashed. Their numerous encounters helped her to understand just how complicated her younger teammate was.  
  
Monet prided herself on what she had. She was gorgeous, wealthy, educated, intelligent, and invulnerable to boot. However, there was something in Jubilee she envied. Her spontaneous and carefree attitude, her willingness to be at the forefront and her freedom; they were all things she'd secretly trade every dollar in her bank account for.  
  
Despite it all Angelo had become her family away from family; the brother who hadn't gone insane, and for that simple she would miss him.  
  
Tears filled the bottom of her eyelids and spilled down her face. They'd lost a brother and it was completely silly that she continued to play childish games and push her emotions down into the pit of her stomach.   
  
"I just can't Paige, I can't," Jubilee repeated continuously into the collar of her coat. "I won't forget about him like everybody else forgot about Everett. He's dead too and nobody even looked back. But I loved him, and even though he didn't love me back I still do. And I think about him all the time and I just want him and Angelo back."   
  
Paige opened her mouth to speak but was cut off as she felt another, stronger, set of arms wrap around herself and Jubilee. She looked up from Jubilee and saw Monet. Her heart fell and her tears exploded from her eyes. Maybe she was grateful Monet intervened when she had. She really had no idea how to respond to Jubilee's sudden outburst. It hadn't dawned on her that maybe, just maybe Jubilee never really had a chance to properly mourn Everett.   
  
"I just want us back," Jubilee continued in between sobs. "I just want to go to sleep and know that everybody is okay. I just want to wake up and not have to worry about some super psycho baddie with a chip on his shoulder coming and taking a dump on our front yard. I just want to be goddamn happy," she screamed.   
  
There was a long pause and Paige fought to find words that would some how, in any way possible, sooth Jubilee at the moment.  
  
"That's what we all want," Paige choked finally. "But our life isn't so… easy and you have to know that everybody here loves you but we've all chosen to be here. Nobody is forcing us, and we all have to understand that we might not be standing with one another tomorrow."  
  
She knew her words weren't as comforting as they could be but she knew they had to be said all the same. Every day she half slept, not knowing whether or not she would wake up or whether the gorgeous man lying next to her was real. She was deathly afraid that one day she'd wake up back home, on the farm, alone in her bed. The life of an X-Man was all she ever wanted every since her older brother Sam left home. It was her dream and she finally had it.  
  
But now, standing here, with two of the people she loved most in life she wondered if the dream was at all worth wanting. Why would anybody want a life were they could possibly not be alive in the very next moment?   
  
Maybe she wasn't living the right dream.  
  
"There's got to be more Paigey. Something other than waking up, putting on that big red X and going to save the world for a bunch of bastards who would sign a sheet of paper to unleash a group of giant robots on our asses in a heartbeat. The X-Men is my family but maybe this isn't my home anymore. This isn't my life. There's got to be more to life than this." Jubilee said looking up into Paige's face. "There's GOT to be more to life than this."   
  
"There is Lee," Monet finally said squeezing the other two girls tightly. "There is SO much more to life than all of this. We'll find out one day."  
  
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Author Note: Thank you so much for reading this. The characters of Generation X have always been so unique and special in my mind, and although the series is no longer going strong, some have graduated to the big times. Hopefully this will be my chance to work with them in the big league. All questions and comments can be either posted here as reviews or emailed to me at batzmoru@hotmail.com. Thanks and please keep it positive! 


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